Family Secrets

You know the funny thing about family secrets is that so many families have them. The skeletons in the closet! It could be the crazy uncle that drinks too much, to the aunt that has a eating disorder. It could be just about anything. Our family has a lot of family secrets. Some minor than others. I have tried to teach my children that there is no family secrets in our home. I try to be as open and honest as I possibly can with them. One of our biggest family secrets came out yesterday. Some of my closest family members know this.

I have some great memories of being young. But I also have some terrible memories as well. It's funny how you try to block out all the bad and hang on to the good. I think I try to look at the good, because I am in denial of the bad. My mother and father divorced when I was about 3 or 4 years old. My mother than remarried when I was about 5 years. My mother and father had a pretty bad divorce. That's what I'm assuming seeing how they both don't talk about it, but my mother doesn't talk very much about the past. We were taught early on that we were not to talk to anyone outside of our home about anything that went on in our home. Now that I'm older I can see why. My sister and I were so very close when we were younger. But as we grew up to become teenagers, we also grew apart. Her in her world and me in my world. Our teenage years were terrible. My sister's more so than mine.

So onto my mother's second marriage. Glen! Oh boy was he a dandy! They were married for 10 long years. I can remember the day that they bought there new house. I just remember being able to have my own room. It was a red two story house. With three bedrooms, dining room, living room, and we had a washer and dryer. No more going tho the laundry mat for us. My sister and I played with the alot of the neighborhood kids. Kick the can and hide in seek at night. My sister and I were usually the last two kids to go in at night. Our parents were almost always gone. They worked almost all the time. I can remember the day my mom lost her job. She lost it because she stole a bag of sugar. A bag of sugar at the time cost .50$. She saw one of her co-workers doing it, and she thought it would be okay if she did it. It seemed like that everything went down hill from that day. I don't have alot of memories of Glen really. I just remember bits and pieces. I remember just wanting him to love me as a daughter. He spent a lot of time with my sister. They would go places; as I would go places with my mother all the time. I remember he started drinking more and he smoked pot. Instead of fighting over who gets the front seat; we would fight about who gets to clean the pot out. How crazy does that sound!

When I was 12 years old I remember my mother coming to my sister and I. She was sending us to our father's house for the summer. They were sending us there because they had lost the house. Glen and my mother marriage was also over too. To our surprise going to our father's! We haven't seen him in over 8 years. I must say it was quite awkward at first. Trying to catch up 8 years in a summer is hard to do. Virginia Beach is a very pretty area. My sister and I spent almost all our time together when were there. I love that summer. I love the closeness that we shared. Sad to say that was our last close summer that we had for about over 10 years. We received a phone call from our mother. She had told us that we had moved to another town. I just remember crying "No! I don't want to move to another town!" We lost our house and all our belongings toys, t.v., and some of our clothes. All because that dumb ass had a cocaine problem!

When we got back from our father's house in Virginia sure enough we moved. It was a tiny one bedroom apartment across the street from the middle school. The middle school that I was gong to be attending. I was so embarrassed of this apartment that after school that I would walk blocks. I didn't want anyone seeing me walk into this ratty old apartment. The family structure had changed. My sister was now to be my parent instead of my friend. Seeing how my mother had to work all the time to support us. Let's just say that put a damper on our relation. The following year we moved again. I than had to attend a new middle school and my sister a new high school. I made friends easily, but my sister didn't. She was quite shy and kept to her self most of the time. I was quite a troubled teen. I was more than likely the child that you didn't want your child hanging out with. There was usually no one home when I got home from school. I was alone a lot of the time. My mom working and my sister gone. When I was 14 years old I was put on probation for being in a stolen car. Talk about hanging out with the wrong crowd! When I was 15 years old I have had it with my mom. She just wanted to be a mother when she felt it was convient not because she wanted to or had to. I think it was when the courts order us to go to family counseling when I realized that we had very serious issues. I think that our family had fell through the crack. As I was very open with my probation officer and my counselor about my mother's marijuana problem and her mood swings. I then decided that I would go live with my father in Virginia. I couldn't stay with this crazy lady any more. My sister was upset at me for going. It wasn't until later on I found out why.

Well the fantasy that I had pictured in my head was short lived. I thought that living with my father would cure my problems, but I was wrong. My father had remarried shortly before I went to live with him. Lets just say we didn't hit it off; so back to my mother I went. My sister and my best friend at the time picked me up at the bus stop. My mom was not there to greet me. Back to being alone for me. I just remember feeling so alone when I was a teenager. Nobody was hardly ever home except for me. One day I was getting ready for school and my sister was in the bathroom brushing her teeth. She was throwing up. I went in there to see if everything was okay. She said she was just not feeling well. The next few days it was the same thing. When ever she brushed her teeth she would throw up. I thought to myself she's pregnant! So I confronted her. "Your pregnant aren't you?" her face was pure shock. She was 16 years old. She immediately said, "No". I said, "Yes you are!" "who's it?" deep down I knew who. I heard a voice inside my head say the name. I could fell it in my gut. She wouldn't tell me, but I knew. She only spent time with one man. GLEN!
Yes, our ex step-father. When my sister turned 18 years old she married him. My mom and I found that out by one of my mother's friends. She read it out of the newspaper. As I was sitting at the table in my sister's new apartment. She and Glen were having a small wedding party. I recall feeling uncomfortable sitting there. I recall Glen boasting "Yeah she wanted me and pursued me since she's be 12!" My heart sank, stomach weaken, felt sick to my stomach! As he was saying those words I had to make contact with Karen's eyes. Was that true 12 years old? I made contact. Karen's eye scared that I might have known the truth now. Could this what she wants. She appears to be happy, she appears to be fine. I just remember thinking I need to get out of here. I need fresh air. Karen remained married to him for 7 long years and 3 children later. I remember the day she fled. She woke up and liberated herself.

The thing people need to remember is this. This is what a lot of women that have been in an abusive relationship think.
Hope - The hope that your predator is going to change.
Shame - The feeling of shame overwhelms you. The shame of what will people think of you.
Fear - The fear that the predator endures upon you to control you.

The thing is that my sister was brain washed from the time she was a small child to the time she was a young adult. Her childhood, her livelihood, her mind and ability to independent think was robbed. All from this asshole that thinks he has done nothing wrong. I could say alot more about this man, but I well reframe myself. She is now speaking out, and she went to court yesterday to tell her side of the story. Even though she didn't have to say everything yesterday during court. It will now go to trial. I am so proud of my big sister. She is now starting to become a independent woman who thinks for herself and for her children.